it’s difficult for me to explain to people just how much i love John Mayer. yes, he’s an incredible singer. yes, he’s an insane songwriter. yes, he’s a world-class guitarist.
but all of that doesn’t quite capture it. i tell people, my eyes bulging out of their sockets, that I love John Mayer but i can tell that (unless they’re a fellow JM groupie), they don’t really get it. i want to shake them and go, like, No you don’t understand, I love John Mayer.
instead of doing that, which isn’t rly socially acceptable, i decided to write this 1400 word manifesto lol. i also happened to see John in concert last night, which prompted this, but i’ve always wanted to chart this out and dig a little deeper into my relationship with his music.
and to figure that out, we gotta go back to the beginning
i was a moody, emotional high schooler. the world seemed pretty lonely, in the emo “no one understands me” way that feels so fraught in your teenage years. i had good friends and my family was always there, but i lacked the ability to properly convey the turmoil of my inner world. my only solace was music.
i was raised in a musical household and, perhaps subconsciously, felt i had to live up to my name. melody song lol. my mom began teaching me piano at the age of three or four, and my dad endowed me with his love of musicals. at some point, I got sent to choir. but even before all that, it was clear that I loved to sing. i was a loudass kid. you heard me before you saw me.
i still remember the first time i discovered pop music. my parents got me a little radio of my own when i was in 5th or 6th grade and i fell in love with it. 96.5, KOIT. Light rock, less talk, i’d exclaim over and over again. it probably drove my parents crazy. i flipped through songs endlessly, marveling at all the new sounds in my brain.
enter John Mayer.
i can’t tell you the first Mayer song I heard, but i can tell you the way it made me feel. as cliché as it sounds, his voice stopped me dead in my tracks. i dropped everything i was doing and was like: who the fuck owns this voice, how is it possible for someone’s voice to sound like this, how do i get more.
thus a decades-long love story began.
i got through the greats first, of course. Free Fallin’, Slow Dancing in a Burning Room, Gravity, Stop this Train. when i got my first iPod (a little pink Shuffle), i downloaded Why Georgia, The Heart of Life, Neon, etc. i couldn’t get enough. after my first high-school fling ended in rejection in 2014, i locked myself in my room and played the gorgeous, airy In Your Atmosphere on repeat.
I don’t think I’m gonna go to LA anymore I don’t know what it’s like to land and not race to your door … I’m gonna steer clear I’d burn up in your atmosphere Cause I’d die if I saw you I’d die if I didn’t see you there
overly dramatic? oh, absolutely. but at 16 i had no idea how to deal with the awful, chest-squeezing sensations of heartbreak. i still don’t, honestly, but i really didn’t know how to at 16. instead, i let John’s guitar speak for my little broken heart.
alright, continuing on.
i continued to explore the rest of John’s discography throughout high school. around this time i also became someone’s girlfriend for the first time — the start of a rocky relationship that stopped and started endlessly. you might be seeing the pattern here. boy issues = press play. this time, Battle Studies became the go-to album du jour. Cue Heartbreak Warfare, Friends, Lovers, or Nothing and All We Ever Do is Say Goodbye.
Just when I had you off my head Your voice comes thrashing wildly through my quiet bed You say you wanna try again But I’ve tried everything but giving in
ugh. banger.
okay, fast forward a few years… i’m in college now, sophomore year, in Los Angeles and far from my family. i’ve fallen out with my parents. i’ve parted ways with aforementioned boyfriend. at the same time, i haven’t gotten close to my college friends yet and i’m also trying to figure out what i’m going to do as a career for (what seemed like) the rest of my life. i feel lost, alone, and confused.
i can see myself clearly. lying in my bed in my dorm, in between classes or something. crippled by pain and fear and anxiety and feeling like i’m spiraling away into nothingness. but i still have music, i tell myself. at least i still have music. and that day, John had just dropped his newest album, The Search for Everything. so i put in my headphones and close my eyes and listen to it the whole way through and it’s everything i could have asked for — one beautiful, sweet lullaby reassuring me that i don’t have to try so hard.
How much of my mother has my mother left in me? How much of my love will be insane to some degree? And what about this feeling that I'm never good enough? Will it wash out in the water, or is it always in the blood? How much of my father am I destined to become? Will I dim the lights inside me just to satisfy someone? Will I let this woman kill me, or do away with jealous love? Will it wash out in the water, or is it always in the blood? I can feel love the I want, I can feel the love I need But it's never gonna come the way I am Could I change it if I wanted, can I rise above the flood? Will it wash out in the water, or is it always in the blood?
those lyrics man. oof.
okay, fast forwarding some more. we’re in the 2020s now. my healing era, as i think of it. i start hitting therapy, mending my relationship with myself, with the world. i find that i’m okay. i can be Perfectly Lonely.
at this point, i’ve played through nearly every Mayer album hundreds of times… except Born and Raised, which I’ve pressed skip on for a decade. if you’re unfamiliar, it’s a lot more folksy than blues/groove and pretty different from the rest of his sound.
but my brother calls foul. it’s my favorite album, he tells me. so he shows me A Face to Call Home, If I Ever Get Around to Living, and Shadow Days, and to my surprise, i actually really love it.
i begin to suspect that this album was the last one for me to dig into for a reason. Born and Raised is John at his most reflective, most mature, most hopeful. back then, i wasn’t ready yet.
Did you know that you could be wrong And swear you’re right Some people been known to do it all their lives But you find yourself alone Just like you found yourself before Like I found myself in pieces on the hotel floor Hard times help me see I’m a good man with a good heart Had a tough time, got a rough start But I finally learned to let it go Now I’m right here, and I’m right now And I’m hoping, knowing somehow That my shadows days are over My shadow days are over now
🥺
some closing thoughts.
i know a lot of people don’t really like John, and i get that. if i came across him today, i probably wouldn’t be nearly as devoted to him as i am now. he’s had his fair share of hate over that whole weird period when he got super famous and dated like a million women and let his ego get the best of him.
but i think that almost adds to the appeal. he’s really gone on a full-blown hero’s journey since making it big, descending into the depths of the celebrity tabloid cycle. and yet he emerged whole and transformed. a reminder that at our core, we are all redeemable.
maybe it’s not that deep, but personally John has transcended artist or musician into some sort of parasocial companion for me. he’s become like a third parent, walking me through the loneliest moments of my life for over a decade — a constant voice reassuring: you’re going to be okay, you’re not alone, you don’t have to try so hard.